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  1. #1
    Angry Dutchman Ghost's Avatar
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    It's Ghost's birthday

    * sorry for cutting and pasting but I feel there is no need to write this context in a different way here again. The original is on NMA forums *

    Hello all,

    This year I am becoming 35 years.

    Time sure moves fast, I didn't believe that expression when I was younger when a year seriously seemed to take years to pass but when you grow older you come to realize that it is the truth.
    One moment you are in your twenties and feel the world is out there for you, and then you are in your thirties and come to realize that you are not even a target group anymore for game publishers who rather publish shlock that sells as much as possible to what you consider to be the 'brainless' and 'tasteless' masses instead of more of the games you feel pushed both gameplay and story telling forward to new heights.

    As I talked with my friend Nani on Skype she said to me "Now we are the parents". Really a weird idea.

    A lot of things you take as constants such as family members or even pets you think will be always around you, and familiar places where you can always go back too such as your parents' house are suddenly no more there except in your memories and even those you don't always get right, instead having some idealized versions.

    This year one of my aunts' passed on, for me the one I was the most closest too as I spend a lot of time with her in my youth and she was always the one who got me the best birthday and Sinterklaas, and occasional random presents.
    I remember years ago watching tapes of shows like Star Trek or Stargate in the guest's bedroom where she had a TV cable set up so I could watch TV there, or playing video games on my SNES deep into the night. (games like Terranigma and Secret of Evermore in case people are curious)

    It has sadly reminded me that I don't have much links to my past anymore, my father passed away in 1992 after several heart attacks, my mother in 2006 after many unhappy years dealing with many court cases, and my aunt this year who in the last months seem to have wasted away both physically and some ways also mentally (she remembered me and my brother but her memory was fleeing, often dragging up facts and details of events decades ago)

    The closest family members I have left are my brother, his family, an aunt, and a sister I barely hear from. I do have another two aunts and an uncle, and several cousins and nieces that are related to me but which I only very sporadically see.
    So in many respects I am quite alone

    I have been trying to fill that void with friends but that has not always worked out so well, partly because of my own communication problems and my autism.

    Some might say now "Marten, why don't you start a family of your own then?" It is not so easy, for one I do still not feel that I am ready for it as a relationship is more than just liking a girl and dating her (or a guy if you prefer that), there needs to be a degree of maturity and commitment and I still feel I don't have that, and I do not want to saddle up a girl/woman with a guy who is only half mature.

    There is still so much I want to accomplish such as becoming better at drawing (yes I know that means that I should practice more) but it seems to progress at such a slow speed.
    And I still have the dream of becoming a game designer one day even though people have suggested that perhaps I should lower my expectation to more realistic goals.
    I just so god damn much want to work on or make a Fallout game of my own one day; be it my Fallout Texas thing or another Fallout game.
    I seriously need to learn that damn GECK sdk and start putting together maps.

    It is not all sadness, I do feel I have grown up in some subjects such as handling important matters myself, or letting go of things. (An example; I used to be such an obsessive fan sometimes regarding certain subjects that I never wanted to change, now I realize better that sometimes you should go on and not stick any longer with something you feel you don't have much in common with anymore)

    I do hope there is still some time to grow more and carry out some of those dreams and plans at least.

    As for today, I am probably not going to celebrate it in such a big way as it is in the middle of week but I could make up some plans for the weekend to do some fun activities.
    Just a shame that there isn't any decent movie in the theatres right now, I would honestly love a good sci fi or action-adventure flick.

    http://www.nma-fallout.com/showthrea...um-P-Yes-TDG-s
    Earth is like a 24 hour, Seven days a week Stupidity contest which has been running for centuries.
    And every time they are ready to pronounce a winner, a new contender appears on the scene.


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    He has seen half the universe who has not seen the house of pain (Ralph Waldo)

  2. #2
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    Happy Birthday Ghost.
    didn't remember you have Autism. How much do you have, it if can me measure. does it reflect a lot in you everyday life? I am sorry to ask, but i never talked with anyone with autism. But from what i had read from your posts here and other places, you look like a perfectly normal person.
    I guess communication with other people can be hard, but you can do it with no problems here. So in what way you have that difficulty in relation with other people?
    A500 - A600 - A1200 - A4000 - CDTV
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  3. #3
    Retro Addict Administrator
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    Happy Birthday Ghost. Hope you have a great day.

    If you haven't played a classic game in years, it's never too late to start!


  4. #4
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    Happy birthday!!!

  5. #5
    Angry Dutchman Ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiago View Post
    Happy Birthday Ghost.
    didn't remember you have Autism. How much do you have, it if can me measure. does it reflect a lot in you everyday life? I am sorry to ask, but i never talked with anyone with autism. But from what i had read from your posts here and other places, you look like a perfectly normal person.
    I guess communication with other people can be hard, but you can do it with no problems here. So in what way you have that difficulty in relation with other people?
    heh, because I am a pretty normal person in general Tiago, I have good quality, bad qualities, and so on, just a little different in some parts like working a bit slower and more secure for example.

    You must understand that Autism has become this 'collected term' for many conditions in the emotional spectrum, it is not one particular set of signs but dozens.
    And with almost all cases it differs per person, some people share these signs but differ in some others.

    I also understand that there is a tendency these days amongst mental health care practitioners to sweep a lot of mental conditions/quirks under the rug of autism, even when it doesn't apply.

    I find it easier sometimes to communicate on the internet than in person, but even there I can suddenly feel 'deadlocked' like for example during a an argument or an emotional confrontation.
    I have that more so in real life.

    Well it comes down to having difficulty in interpreting another people's emotional signs sometimes and knowing what you can ask and cant, of course the last could also be applied for people without autism but for me even more so.
    Perhaps being very blunt or ridiculously careful during interaction, offending or annoying the other person by accident.

    Thanks Harrison and Demon Cleaner

  6. #6
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    You must understand that Autism has become this 'collected term' for many conditions in the emotional spectrum, it is not one particular set of signs but dozens.
    Yes, and many people have a lack of knowledge about this subject, me included. I guess there are many forms of autism. I don't know anyone with autism, (now i know one!) and when we see in TV families that have children with autism, they usually show bigger cases with a big amount/level (if i can say it like this) of autism.
    I understand from your post that it is a slow process, but do you feel that it is getting better each year, even if it's in a low rate?
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    Angry Dutchman Ghost's Avatar
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    Well it is not something you can get 'cured' off, it is brain chemistry working a little different, but you can learn to overcome some of the limitations through training methods.
    So those who believe that people with autism can never change, such as improving their behavior, learning manners, better communication skills, are not correct and perhaps give some persons with autism not a chance or perhaps to much leniency.

    Heh I have plenty of ails that aren't autism based such as laziness which is really something that needs to change

  8. #8
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    Well as some people say, one step at a time, but i think is to easy to say from someone that don't have the problem.
    i always think that to overcome a problem you first need to be in peace with yourself.
    Laziness can be a problem, and that one know perfectly well what it is A lot of times i do tomorrow what i can do today. And tomorrow sometimes is a week.... or a month....
    A500 - A600 - A1200 - A4000 - CDTV
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