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  1. #1
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    Just going for a Psssstttttt!!!!

    ******* Warning the following thread will more than likely contain endless puns about male genetaillia. ********

    Just found this news article

    Since Charles Goodyear invented the rubber vulcanization process, condoms haven't seen much in the way of product development, apart from a couple of material changes, since the first rubbers were manufactured in 1855. Arguably, the John Thomas hasn't exactly seen much of its share of design changes in that time either, so perhaps male contraceptives aren't in great need of a makeover either. However, one German scientist thinks differently.

    Jan Vinzenz Krause has spent years (years!) working on a new way of enhancing the humble johnny and now he has the solution - a spray-on prophylactic for your sceptre. Another part of his reasoning is that no two schlongs are alike and sometimes jimmies just won't fit. Yes, yes, we know - they don't make them big enough *yawn*.

    The spray-on service isn't simply a case of cracking open a can of kids-b-gone - despite what Jonathon Ross says - but at the moment, the process sounds rather complicated. Not to mention about as erotic as sticking your wang in a dishwasher. Krause's device is basically a chamber - not unlike a carwash - into which you insert your meat whistle. Fine jets will then distribute liquid latex onto your trouser snake over the course of 10 seconds. A further 20-25 seconds are required for drying. That's probably doubling some people's normal time right there.

    On the plus side, just look at the colours it comes in! I really hope they sell them individually. I've always found that waving your wand in the air for 20-25 seconds is considerably more enjoyable, and indeed socially acceptable, if it has been sprayed bright blue. Oh - and we'd like a glow in the dark one, please. That'll surprise the missus.

    Sadly, Krause is currently hard at work on a way to get the drying time down to ten seconds, so that'll put an end to all those hilarious renditions of 'I can sing a rainbow' .

    Krause was about to have a go at launching earlier in the year, but problems with the patent halted his plans. Furthermore, because it is a medical product, it has to go through particularly rigorous testing. I expect that even as I type this, seventeen nervous German students are being asked to pop their pork swords inside a narrow tube that sprays hot latex. Lucky them, eh?
    And now cue V85Rawdeal with 150 different names for a mans member (and none of them are Nigel).
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  2. #2
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    That is pretty random, it sounds like spray painting a car almost! Weird
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  3. #3
    Wiseguy Staff Moderator
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    There's just something about pouring molten rubber onto my pride and joy that I don't like. Something about the temperature I normally associate with molten rubber perhaps.

  4. #4
    I am Legion for we are many. Staff Member
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    I've thought of a few design flaws.
    1) What about hairs when you take the thing off. Maybe if i was Max Mosely but that sounds to painfull for me.
    2) Where does the "man seed" go? at least with normal condoms you get the bulb at the end but with a spray on one theres no where for it to go!!! Messy.
    3) What about the idiots who are going to spray rubber on other places? You know they're out there. You probably know someone who would. Imagine trying to explain it to the doctor in the Emergancy Room. "I must have left the can on the chair and when i sat down naked it just went off!!"
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    hmmmm

    tell you what though.... liquid latex sounds cool.... lots of applications in the food industry and then theres well as for deep cut / laceration treatment. infact theres quite a lot of applications for liquid *spray on* latex including military, just think to make anything water proof / air tight... just spray...

    and then of course theres the thermoplastics and wax molding industries....

    yes infact quite a lot of applications that dont include one's todger
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  6. #6
    I am Legion for we are many. Staff Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zetr0 View Post
    tell you what though.... liquid latex sounds cool.... lots of applications in the food industry
    Usually as the filling on sandwiches from the company canteen or trains.
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