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*gets out saw and starts hacking away at hands*

OW

AARGH!!!

That bleedin' HURTS!!!!

That's no way to talk about yourself, my friend!

He's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
He's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
He's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'
He just hacks, wacks, choppin' that meat

Hey kids, stop snogging and pay attention to me
Coz if you're a wild eyed loner standing at the gates of oblivion
Then hitch a ride with us, cuz we're on the last freedom moped out of nowhere...

Narf!!!

Gee Buleste, what do you want to do tonight?

The Zuckers describing the RROD many years before it became reality!

I'm sorry, I don't do impressions... my training is in psychiatry.

But that's not important right now.

...And Leon's getting laaaaarger!!!!!

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

The...

Is that the sequel to "Faster, Pussycat. Kill. Kill."???

A fe fe fe a fe fe fe, Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?

I am forensically boring!

Oh, Mrs Ni**er-Baiter's exploded.

And now for something completely different...

A man with a tape recorder up his nose.

Make tea not love!

Noddy Holder goes to the tailors.
He says, "Can yu' sell me a suit wi' massive flares like they 'ad in thu seventuys pluys..."
The tailor replies, "Of course, Sir. Would you like a kipper tie?" ...

How exactly is stripping functionality a "security feature?" That's like giving a car petrol but no pedal and calling it an "accident deterrent."

1|= y()u (4|\| r3@d 7#][5, y0|_| /\r3 @ IVI0/\/+3|2 &33|<

Subliminal messages don't work!

He who walks with a stick in a room is blind! But he who sticks out in a room is...fluorescent!

Keep laughing... it helps with my asylum application.

Agony is...

Standing on a podium give a talk to 500 people whilst that single bead of sweat forms at the base of the spine, threatening to drop...

I say Scooby Dooby Doo
(Scooby Dooby Doo)
Where are you?
Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, I say Scooby Dooby Doo
(Scooby Dooby Doo)