Things we've learned from RPG games

1. It's perfectly OK to barge into people's homes and raid any treasure chests within - some of which contain gil/zenny/gold. Inhabitants never raise a voice of complaint.

2. The female protagonist always has huge breasts.

3. So does the female antagonist.

4. Clothes never get stained, torn, or worn, even after battling thousands of ogres and behemoths.

5. One can carry hundreds of potions, swords, armours, antidotes, gysahl greens and whatnot with them in a tiny backpack.

6. Things like ducky toys and rubber balls can apparently be used as deadly weapons against the world's scariest monsters.

7. The girl - sometimes more than one - always falls in love with you, even if you're a rude, arrogant prick.

8. Eating plants instantly heals wounds and stops bleeding.

When talking to a member of the public, expect a delay between their words and facial expressions.

A nights sleep will take you back to full health.

Wearing the skimpiest of outfits does not raise any indications of disproval!

Its perfectly okay to expect to be the centre of attention. After all, nothing happens without your involvment.

And don't forget, the skimpier the outfit, the better it protects you in battle!

Leave it to a party of 17-18 year olds to defeat the mega-lo-maniac Demon Lord From Hell, where entire armies of elite crack soldiers fail. Apparently, swords, knives and whips can cause more damage than rockets, shells and bullets.

The vampire that you find sleeping inside a dark, haunted evil mansion always turns out to be a good guy, willing to join your party and your quest for justice and freedom.

It never occurs to anyone that locked doors can be blown open by the party's gun-toting member.

No one ever freezes to death when a frozen wasteland is explored, not even the heroine who wears nothing but a bra and skimpy miniskirt.

That last one isn't quite true. In some games your health drops while in certain environments. A good example of that is GuildWars.

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Originally Posted by Harrison

That last one isn't quite true. In some games your health drops while in certain environments. A good example of that is GuildWars.

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That's pretty advanced. Haven't played Guild Wars, nor encountered this in any of the (j)RPGs I've played, so I wouldn't have known.

You definitely should give Guild Wars a try.

Teho and myself have been playing it since it came out. I've not played it for a few months now though, and I don't know about Teho, but if other classicamiga members wanted to start playing I bet we would both want to get back into the game and join you. And having advanced game characters, we could offer a lot of help in the game.
Also Guild Wars 2 is due out soon which is meant to offer a lot of improvements over the original so I will be very interested in getting that and playing.

As curious as I am to actually see the game after having heard so much about it, I doubt I'm ever going to touch any MMORPG again ... not even with a 10-foot pole. I've played two in the past, and basically, they all have one thing in common - they suck up time like there's no tomorrow. MMORPGs are pretty much designed to be like that - always something new to discover, more levels to gain, more equipment to capture, more bosses to fight, it never ends.

I'm much happier sticking to simple console games, or, at most, an online deathmatch game of some sort. At least those have a definite ending, not requiring the same kind of commitment :thumbs:

That is actually where Guild Wars is very different. The game is setup much like a traditional offline RPG with areas and regions of the gaming world where you can go on smaller quests, but main story based mission quests which have to be completed to get to the next area in the game and on the map. These quests are scripted and story driven with cut scenes, again just like an offline game and as you progress through the game you follow the story. This never changes and you can replay these main stories as often as you like to obtain secrets from them.

So as you play each of the main mission quests you get to see more of the game's story revealed and gain access to new areas in which you then get to do smaller quests to move the story on further.

Also character development is capped at level 20 which you hit after playing for maybe 20 hours at most for a first time player. After this your stats are fixed and it is just about the skills you pick and how good you are at using them in battle.

Unlike all other MMOs it isn't a case of grinding for money and experience to keep levelling up to become powerful enough to beat a boss. In Guild Wars its about team work with you supporting each other in combat and working together as a team because all character end up level 20 and are not more powerful than any other.

The only progression in terms of upgrading past level 20 is the purchasing of new skills, and the capturing of elite skills from specific boss monsters you have to hunt down and find within the gaming world.

It's very different and not really an MMO, more a multiplayer traditional RPG. This is the reason I like it so much. In total since it's launch I've played over 600 hours in the game until I got a bit bored, but I might go back at some point soon to play some more.

If you got bored with it after only 600 hours, then it can't be all that bad :thumbs:

Maybe one day I could give it a go. Then again, there's so much other stuff I've got lying around, and so much stuff coming out soon, it isn't very likely I'll have any time until maybe the year 2012!

To get back on topic:



Houses are always bigger on the inside than they appear on the outside, oftentimes ridiculously so.

Guards, cops, soldiers, security forces or anyone that's supposed to uphold the peace and law are always useless. It always falls upon your party's shoulders to deal with any threat there might be.

The best opportunity to finish up any unfinished business, such as finding each party member's ultimate weapon, winning that rare collectible card and breeding that gold chocobo, is when a big-ass meteor is floating right above the planet, threatening to destroy all life.

There are always really dangerous monsters roaming around right outside the entrance to small towns full of helpless (unarmed) people. An unwritten rule that monster never step over the entrance to a town.

Cute little girl/dog?
Fit bird?
Helpful jolly fatman on the street?

GET YOUR RETALLIATION IN FIRST.

Kill them all.
They will all be outed as the demons in desguise that they are.
Why wait?

It's definitely always the cute little girls and innocent old women you have to watch!

Money can always be found under vegetation simply by hacking it up with your sword.

You always come across your first weapon just before you need to use it.

You always know how to use a weapon you have only just found!

The treasure chest you open always contains spells, potions or weapons powerful enough to upgrade your character enough to defeat the monsters you encounter just after.

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Originally Posted by Harrison

It's definitely always the cute little girls and innocent old women you have to watch!

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As an addendum to this:

The golden rule is that vampires, seedy gangster figures and mass-murderers always turn out to be trustworthy allies. It's the kindly old women, innocent little children and friendly men of holy faith you have to be wary of!

If you stand still for any length of time somone will attack you. But dont worry, the more this happens the tougher you will get, to the point where a simple kick will send a mounted knight, his horse and the 12 foot soldiers he has for support into the next county.

High security prisons are notoriously easy to break out of - even those where no one in 500 years has ever been able to escape from. Almost always, something 'conveniently' happens, allowing the heroes to break free: an earthquake, a demon invasion ... you name it. What's more, any confiscated equipment belonging to the heroes can almost always be found neatly stashed away in the chamber next door, none of it hidden or locked away.

Even if the hero character is prophesied to eventually bring about the downfall of the bad guy, it never occurs to the bad guy to personally kill the hero right there and then when he is captured at some point in the story. Instead, he will entrust it upon his henchmen to dispose of the hero, who will, as a rule, always screw up, allowing the hero to escape.

The 'shortest route' always takes longer to traverse, because there's always an extra mean monster blocking the path.

Shopkeepers instinctively know when you try selling something that is stolen!

You can take anything you want from a guild you are a member of and no-one will bat an eyelid.

You don't leave trails of water after you have been swimming, or catch colds.

When you walk around all your companions disappear, or if they don't, they walk behind you in a snake-like formation.

It only takes a bed of flowers to break a 500+ metre fall.

Ever heard of a protagonist whose parent(s) weren't tragically and brutally killed when he/she was still a kid?

Empires are, as a rule, always evil.

The world is always about to end while you are still a youth, but you still have time to grow up, learn how to fight, all the skills you need in combat, master the art of magic, and assemble a highly skilled group of people in order to actually prevent the end of the world from happening.

So I guess in RPGs we should have the following for a change;

The player actually had a happy childhood with supporting parents who wave him or her off as he/she leaves for adventure.

There is actually no prophecy about a future hero who will save the kingdom, making your appearance a bit of a surprise.

Impenetrable prisons really are impenetrable and no earth quake or demon invasion will make a change in that status.
Instead we need to add a new factor to such a situation; a lawyer.

When captured your equipment is inconviniently stored in a room deep in the prison/castle.

Guards always patrol in pairs and carry spears instead of short swords.

Villages with monsters just outside the walls quickly end up as ghost towns.

The police is actually effective and doesn't just kill people designated 'criminal' just because they stole a bread.

The bad guy isn't just another evil that has been defeated thousands of years ago by a bunch of heroes only to reappear now. He/she/it is a brand new evil not described before.

The bad guy actually came to power in a fair election opposite to taking the throne of the rightful ruler.

The bad guy actually goes after you him/her/itself instead of sending incompetent henchmen after you.

Not everything you find in a treasure chest is actually useful or still in a useful condition, healing potions could have lost their healing power or have become bad, likewise armour or weapons could have rusted away.
Also, if it is needed to defeat the enemy monster up ahead, it probably keeps these weapons on its person.

The hero's female companion (or heroine if the player is female) isn't a beautiful big busted scantly dressed wench but a rather common female person.

The hero can't actually use the first weapon he or she finds, he or she actually has to pay a weapons master to train him or her.

A night's rest doesn't heal all wounds/restores life energy.

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Impenetrable prisons really are impenetrable and no earth quake or demon invasion will make a change in that status.
Instead we need to add a new factor to such a situation; a lawyer.

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Gold, pure gold :thumbs:

When you drive a car:
- there is no pedrestrians trying to cross the road outside pedestrian crossing zones
- The car never has a mal function unless you drive into a wall
- you will never have a flat tire
- you never look the car (same problem in cinema) did you ever see an actor looking the car? They always get out of it, close the door, most of the times, with window open and they go away....

Talking of transport, most in RPGs never has or runs out of a fuel source!

@Ghost:
You did forget one thing. Most RPGs are set in a feudal society living the dark ages of their evolution. That makes everything believable and nothing far fetched!

Your team can kill a monster the size of an island, but will offer no resistance when a single guard apprehends you during a stealthy-sneak escape from a situation of some peril.

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Originally Posted by Harrison

@Ghost:
You did forget one thing. Most RPGs are set in a feudal society living the dark ages of their evolution. That makes everything believable and nothing far fetched!

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I get the feeling you're a little pissed I made fun of RPGs :p

No. You need to grasp English Sarcasm mate. ;)

Oh wait, now I get it.

Heh, because people didn't know better then they treat it as plausable now.

Yep. :thumbs:

Why would slagging of RPGs make Harrison drunk?

Well, there would have to be something seriously wrong with me to start slagging off RPGs, that's for sure! :lol:

You know exactly who lives in each house, even though it is the first time you have been there!

You don't learn to swim until the sequel!

For some reason most of the time people don't mind the player entering their houses and raiding it for various items including stuff that is valuable.
They sometimes even stand by to watch.

People standing in the street often forget you and launch into the same conversation over and over again.

Enemies often forget you already killed them and are often standing ready to fight again when you return to the same location.

When you find a locked door with a key hole, normally the key is hidden close by and easy to find.

Very often when someone gives you an assignement or quest and you screw it up, they make some rants but quickly forgive you and offer you the same assignment again while acting as if this is the first time they did.

Even though you already took an item from a location to complete a quest, it is back in the same location later when you need it again for something else.

One of the main character (the one you play or another you find) has normally always lost their memory at the beginning and has to try and discover who they really are.

One of the main character (the one you play or another you find) is never just the simple villager they begin as and always eventually discovers they are secretly from a powerful, noble or royal lineage.

The capital city of the evil, corrupt empire always consists of two distinct sections: a lower level slum where all the poor, oppressed people live and where some kind of resistance group is plotting to overthrow the bad guys, and an upper level where the rich. the corrupt and the evil emperor's household resides.

Regardless of where the merchant is located in the game world, they will all accept the same currency. Even hidden tribes/secretive civilizations which have never been in contact with the outside world will happily sell you stuff in exchange for gil/zeny/munni, or buy your excess supplies with the same currency.

When you phone up work to tell them you have Porphyritic Haemophilia, and that you're off to church, results in you getting fired.

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Originally Posted by v85rawdeal

When you phone up work to tell them you have Porphyrithic Haemophilia, and that you're off to church, results in you getting fired.

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You deserve to be Crucified for that because it Sucks!!! (By the way it's Porphyritic Haemophilia).